


“All I know is that I… love you.”

by imimmortalagain



Series: Love: The Right Word To Describe It [2]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Developing Relationship, Drama, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, Light Angst, Romance, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-05-16 07:06:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14806655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imimmortalagain/pseuds/imimmortalagain
Summary: Kathryn Janeway and Seven of Nine explore the waters of their relationship while being both a Captain and an officer on Voyager





	1. "What is this?"

**Author's Note:**

> So I rushed this because I was excited. So there is absolutely no editing. But enjoy.  
> Also commenting helps because I would like feedback and it keeps me inspired and pushed to write.  
> I will try to update every two weeks.

They didn’t get vacation days but Kathryn really wished they got them now. Well, maybe not a vacation day, just some off hours that she could spend with Seven. They haven’t really spoken since their first couple of kisses. Mainly because they were too busy cuddling and kissing. Plus, who wanted to have an in-depth conversation at three in the morning, the only time they could effectively meet up?

 

Kathryn sat in her ready room, behind her desk. Her head would fall as she momentarily fell asleep before she would jerk awake, her head would jump up. Her late night meetings with Seven were taking their toll. 

She drummed her fingers on the desk, widening her eyes in the hopes that it would help her stay awake. 

_ “Seven of Nine to the Captain.”  _ Seven’s voice said through her combadge. Kathryn didn’t need any help to stay awake now. Her heartbeat increased and she lost her breath. Her hand tapped the combadge. 

“Yes, Seven?” 

_ “Would you please report to the Astrometrics, I have found something on the long range sensors.”  _

“On my way.” Kathryn stood up, a grin on her face. She pulled her shirt down by the bottom of the shirt and made her way down to Astrometrics. 

 

Kathryn stepped into Astrometrics and found Seven standing behind the center control panel. 

“Captain,” Seven said without looking up, “Just 5 light years off of our port stern there is a peculiar energy reading is coming at us. It doesn’t match anything in our database.” 

“How long until it’s here?” Kathryn asked. Seven looked up and faced towards Kathryn.

“Approximately one and a half minutes.” Seven replied. Kathryn’s mouth dropped, something moving that fast was unimaginable.

“Will our shielding protect us?” She asked, deciding not to let her scientific curiosity and focused on the safety of her crew. 

“Unknown.” 

Kathryn sighs before tapping her combadge, “Captain to Ensign Paris.” She started walking towards the exit, waving her hand motioning for Seven to follow her.

_ “Yes, Captain?”  _

“Set a course for the nearest star system and go, Warp Nine.” 

_ “Captain?” _

“Just do it, ensign.” 

_ “Yes. Captain.”  _

The Captain and Seven made their way to the the turbolift. They were silent, deciding to keep it professional. The turbolift opened and they walked in. 

“Bridge.” 

The turbolift started. They stood separate from each other, not wanting to give any clues to the outside world that they were involved, if you could call late night meetings to cuddle and kiss involved. They might be alone but fear of change filled them. 

Voyager started to violently shake and everything went dark. All electronics feel dead, including the turbolifts.

The lights went off and the shaking of the ship threw Seven forward and she fell on top of Kathryn. They crashed to the floor. 

Seven and Kathryn were face to face, in the dark. They could barely see, but they could see enough to know exactly how close to each other they were. Kathryn’s hand rose to pull Seven in, but before she could find her neck she paused. Her open hand clenched into a fist and she pushed herself into a sitting position. If they were going to get out of here, they needed to stay professional. 

“Are you okay?” Kathryn asked, extending a hand to help Seven into a sitting position. Seven took the offer and pulled herself up so she could lean on the wall of the turbolift. 

“I will be fine, my nanoprobes will heal any injuries. Are you injured.” Seven said, scooting closer to Kathryn to examine her head where it hit the ground. Her right hand rose to the side of Kathryn’s face. There was a bruise and blood. 

“You are injured.” 

“I will be fine.” Kathryn barely whispered. Her stomach burning. Her heart leapt out of her chest and all she could imagine was kissing Seven. But instead she focused back on her job, keeping the crew safe. 

“Captain to Chakotay.” 

No response.

“Captain to Tuvok.”

Still no response. 

“Captain to any senior staff.” 

“It would be safe to assume communications are down.” Seven commented. 

“We need to get out of here.” Kathryn said, standing up. But she got a rush of blood to her head and had to lean up against the wall. Seven mirrored her movements. Standing as well. 

“There should be a panel up there,” Kathryn explained, pointing a finger to the ceiling of the turbolift, “You’re going to need to lift me up there so I can get us out.” 

“Yes, Captain,” Seven said with a curt nod. She positioned herself in the center of the turbolift. She interlocked her fingers and held her hands down low, so that Kathryn would be able to use it as a step. 

Kathryn let out a deep sigh before stumbling forward, she had to wave her hand around for it was too dark to see a thing. Her hand accidentally rammed into Seven’s face,

“Sorry,” Kathryn whinced, before tracing her face to her shoulder and her foot, after searching, stepped up into the Borg’s hands. Seven started standing up straight and Kathryn was barely able to reach the panel. 

“Well,” Kathryn whispered to herself, “This is not how I imagined I would first climb onto you, but…” She scolded herself for making such a comment on duty, with her combadge on nonetheless. But it didn’t make the statement anyless true. 

“Did you say something, Captain?” Seven asked. The question wasn’t needed, her borg-enhanced senses would’ve picked up those words, but Seven felt it would be polite incase there just happened to be a malfunction. 

Kathryn ignored her question and tried to push the panel up, but it didn’t budge, “Damn.” 

“Captain?” 

“It’s jammed, we’re stuck in here until rescue teams can get to us.” Kathryn sighed. Seven leaned down, setting Kathryn back down.

“The company is at least preferable.” Seven nodded. Kathryn sat against the wall and Seven followed. 

“Indeed.” Kathryn nodded. 

“Now, will you allow me to heal your wound.” 

“It doesn’t need healed.” 

“You are bleeding, the bleeding must be stopped.” Seven argued, but she didn’t let Kathryn go on, instead she scooted over and her hand found its way to the blood. Seven worked in silence, applying pressure until the blood stopped. 

“The bleeding has ceased.” Seven says, removing her hands.

“Thank you,” Kathryn breathed out. She may not have been able to see Seven, but she could feel her breath on her lips and was well aware of where she was.

Kathryn had been fighting her urge to stay professional and her will was wearing thin, but this broke it. She moved forward, placing her lips on Seven’s with urgency. She had a hand on the collar of Seven’s biosuit, pulling her close as if she would never see her again. Seven responded in suit, she placed a cold hand on the back of Kathryn’s neck and kept kissing her as if if she let go she wouldn’t see her ever again. 

After sometime they pulled back, no longer able to ignore the aching need to breath, but they still held onto each other. Their foreheads were pressed together and they could feel each other’s breath. 

Seconds passed and Kathryn realized that now was the time. They wouldn’t have another time like this to talk about it. 

“Seven,” Kathryn said, after her breath returned, she had leaned back to give her room, “We need to talk about the state of this relationship before we let it continue.” Kathryn found one of Seven’s hands and held it in her own. “What is this?” 

Seven blinked, not expecting this at all. “I… I don’t know. All I know is that I…” She couldn’t think of the right word to describe it. To describe the immense joy she felt just being around Kathryn. The way her smile fixed her mood if she was down. The way her heart ached when they weren’t around. The way her heart thumped so hard when they were close. They way her chest tightened and burned when she saw her. She relived all the moments that they have shared and she realized the word, “All I know is that I… love you.” 

Kathryn took in a deep breath, her hand dropping Seven’s and resting on her cheek, “I love you too.” She whispered back, leaning in to give a short and sweet kiss. 

They didn’t discuss it pass that and they didn’t need to. 

They were eventually rescued and later on they found the source of the energy blast: two alien warships had gotten into a fight and one of the ship’s weapons locked onto Voyager instead of the other warship. They were deeply sorry and helped repair crews on Voyager. As for Seven and Kathryn, they still have no idea what they’re doing but decided that they wanted to be in the dark together. 

 


	2. “I’d rather look at you.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go on a date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have two head canons. One, Kathryn definitely owns an antique red truck back on Earth and knows how to drive it well and she also definitely wears plaid.  
> Also, this is set in late season 5 or early season 6.  
> Last thing, can someone make fan art for this chapter? I won't use it if you don't want me to but I would totally love to use and place it at the end or beginning of the chapter.

“You know,” Kathryn sighed, “Sometimes I wish I could be the big spoon.” Seven had her arms wrapped around her, they were laying in Kathryn’s bed in her quarters.

“Would you like to switch?” Seven asked, sitting up. Kathryn propped herself up with her elbows and smiled.

“You know what they say,” Kathryn replied, turning onto her other side, Seven followed in suit, “There’s a first time for everything.” She laid out her arm and Seven rested her head there. Her other arm wrapped around her waist embracing Seven from behind. She rested her head in the crook of Seven’s neck.

“I think I could get used to this side of things.” Kathryn murmured through a smile.

“This is equally preferable.” Seven agreed.

It was three in the morning, Seven had been over for an hour and half by now and they were both tired. Usually Seven would bid Kathryn a goodbye kiss and leave, but she just so comfortable and Kathryn was already asleep and she didn’t want to wake her, so instead of getting up and leaving she stayed perfectly still.

“Sweet dreams, Kathryn.” Seven whispered, repeating the phrase that Kathryn had said to her many nights before.

 

Kathryn woke up to the sound of her alarm. She didn’t notice anything off at first, but soon realized she shouldn’t still feel Seven in her arms from the night before. Seven stretched and rolled to face Kathryn.

“Kathryn,” Seven greeted with a quirk of her lips in a small smile.

“Good morni-” Kathryn caught herself when she realized what she about said, “Oh my god, it’s morning!” She jumped up.

“Kathryn?” Seven asked worried, she sat up, mirroring Kathryn, “What is wrong?”

“If you leave my quarters in the same outfit as yesterday in the morning people will talk,” Kathryn said with wide eyes. She got up and walked over to her closet.

“It would pose some questions,” Seven agrees.

“Right, when do you start your first shift?” She pulled on her gray under shirt, then pulled on her pants.

“My shift starts a 0630,” Seven says standing up off the bed.

“Okay… wait never mind.” Kathryn sighed. She pulled on the uniform jacket before leaving her bedroom to the living area, with Seven on her trail, “It’d be weird if you left my quarters while I wasn’t here.”

“What about if we use a transporter?”

“An unauthorized transport involving the captains quarters? There’d be thousand security teams to the both sides of the transporter before you even got anywhere.” Kathryn sighed. She walked up to the replicator, “Coffee, black.” In the little compartment there materialized a steaming cup of coffee. Kathryn picked it up and walked over to the table where Seven had decided to sit down.

“I guess we just leave at the same time, close are eyes and hope that if we can’t see them they can’t see us.” Kathryn continued, taking a sip out of her coffee.

“It seems that would be the most efficient course of action.” Seven replied with a slight nod.

“Yes.”

They stopped talking and enjoyed each other's company, not needing any small talk to feel comfortable with each other.

Kathryn and Seven had been together for a month now. And since it was a very large taboo for captains to have relationships with their crewmen they had to keep it under wraps. Meaning they had to meet up late at night and at random secluded times. It was incredibly frustrating, but Kathryn couldn’t deny that the way they met like they were two teenagers whose parents didn’t want them dating was really exciting.

“Kathryn, about tonight,” Seven said, breaking the silence and looking up into her eyes, “What is the typical attire for the date?”

Kathryn smiled, excited for their first date, “It’ll be chilly, so wear something warm and something comfortable.”

 

Kathryn walked to the holodeck, wearing jeans and a long-sleeved plaid shirt. Her hair was down and she was trying to hide the happiest smile she had had since arriving in the Delta Quadrant.

She walked up to the holodeck, slightly surprised when she didn’t see Seven standing there, it wasn’t like her to be unpunctual. She shrugged her shoulders slightly, deciding that the hold up was probably due to having to pick out an outfit. She moved to the control panel of the holodeck, “Computer, run program ‘Starry Night’.”

“That program is currently running,” The computer said in quick response.

“Oh,” Kathryn whispered, Seven wasn’t late after all. She moved through the holodeck doors and it closed behind her.

Kathryn found herself standing in front of a building and next to a street. Parked by the curb of the street was the red truck that she had programed into the program. It was identical to the antique one she had it home. The familiar sight made her smile. But the smile didn’t last long, it dissipated as she realized that Seven wasn’t there.

Out of habit, her hand whipped to tap her combadge, whispering “Seven?” before she realized she had left her combadge back in her quarters. She sighed and walked towards the truck. Then a white piece of paper caught her eye, it was stuck between the windshield wipers. Kathryn leaned forward and swiped the paper back to read it.

_‘In an effort to make this date more realistic to the time period, I have made it easy to follow the protocol for ‘picking up’ the date. My ‘home’ is the apartment complex three blocks North. I’m in apartment 2 on the fourth floor._

_See you soon, Seven’_

Kathryn chuckled at Seven’s attention to detail. She pocketed the paper and climbed into the truck. She turn the keys that were already in the ignition, pulled the lever next to the steering wheel until the a light read off that she was in drive and cautiously pressed the pedal until she was going the speed limit.

She came to a stop when she was finally outside the apartment complex that Seven had mentioned. She stopped the car and left it to go to Seven’s ‘apartment. She walked through the doors and up four flights of stairs, only stopping when she was standing in front of the apartment door labeled 2.

She took in a deep breath, feeling butterflies dance around her stomach, she balled her hand into a fist and knocked on the wooden door. The door swung open and Seven was standing there with a dark grey sweatshirt and jeans, her hair down resting at her shoulders.

“Seven,” Kathryn greeted with a bright grin, nearly stunned at how utterly cute Seven looked dressed like that.

“Kathryn.” The corner of Seven’s lips quirked slightly upward.

“You look very pretty tonight,” Kathryn said. She couldn’t believe that she was right here right now, telling the most beautiful woman in the world that she looked pretty. That she told Seven of Nine, former borg drone, she was pretty.

“This outfit is not of high quality,” Seven commented, almost confused at Kathryn’s comment.

“Maybe not, but you look stunning in it.” Kathryn said looking at Seven with a beaming grin, “Why did you choose the outfit if you feel it’s not a high quality?”

“I asked Tom Paris, because of his sufficient knowledge of this time period, what would be the appropriate attire for the a cold night in the 21st century. This is the outfit he suggested.”

“Ah, yes, Tom has had a long-lived obsession with this time period.” Kathryn said with a smile, she held out a bent arm for Seven to take, “Follow me.” Seven laced her arm in Kathryn’s and followed along as Kathryn lead them down the stairs with a smile.

“No matter the reason you’re wearing it, you still look beautiful.”

“You look very… handsome, as well.” Seven said.

Kathryn chuckled and blushed at Seven’s choice of compliment.

“What is funny?”

“Handsome is typically used to describe men,” Kathryn explained, smiling the whole time. They had finally reached the bottom level.

“I am sorry if I offended you,” Seven asked, clearly in distress as the left the complex.

“Don’t be sorry, you didn’t offend me, just the opposite, really.” They walked up to the truck parked by the curb. Seven opens the passenger door.

“Where is our final destination?” Seven asked, sitting down in the passenger seat of the truck. Kathryn had went around the truck and opened the door to the driver’s seat. She climbed in and shut the door.

“A surprise,” Kathryn replied with a grin that was borderline wicked. She pulled down the seat belt and clipped it in, “Buckle up.”

“Kathryn?” Seven asked, confused at the phrase.

“To your right there is a strap, it’s called a seat belt. You take it and it crosses over you to a buckle on the side. It was to prevent you from flying forward in the event of an accident.”

Seven nodded slowly, before pulling the seat belt over her and to the buckle. She kept looking over at Kathryn to make sure she had put it on correctly. She tugged on the buckle once it was clipped in to be sure.

“Crude,” Seven said looking down at the belt. She looked up to meet Kathryn’s gaze and her words slowed, “... but efficient.”

The world grinded to a stop around them, they saw nothing but each other. Felt nothing but each other. Heard nothing but each other. Knew nothing but each other. They leaned in, lips touching lightly, moving slowly. It was pure loving passion, nothing ravenous or frantic about it. Too soon Kathryn pulled away from Seven.

“If we don’t stop and leave for the date now, we never will,” Kathryn said with a knowing smile, she sat up a little straighter and started the car.

The car drove out of the city onto a back road and then up the mountains in the distance. She finally came to a stop when the bed of this truck was facing the near cliff-side of the mountain.

“We’re here!” Kathryn said with a small smile, she unbuckled and left the car to go get ready for the date.

Seven looked down at the seat belt, she tried pulling it out but it stayed still. She quirked an eyebrow fumbling around with it, trying to get herself free. She reached down for the clip and found a button, she clicked it and luckily the seat belt released and went back to the side.

She let out a slight sigh and left the car. She walked around back to see Kathryn sitting in the bed of the truck.

“Get up here,” Kathryn said, patting the floor to the left of her, laying down. Seven climbed up to the bed of the truck and laid down next to her.

Kathryn wrapped an arm around Seven’s shoulders, scooting closer to her, while staring up at the night sky. Seven noticed where Kathryn’s attention was and followed her gaze up to the night sky.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” Kathryn asked.

“Yes.” Seven said with a nod.

They looked over at each other, staring into each other’s eyes. Seven placed a cold, metallic hand on Kathryn’s neck pulling her in for a kiss. Their lips brushed together and their eyes closed, electricity dancing all around. Sparks flew. They pulled away from each other taking in deep breaths. Their eyes slowly opened, keeping their gaze fixed on each other’s bright eyes. Smiling as they took in deep breaths.

Something caught the corner of Kathryn’s eye and she looked up, just missing the shooting star, but another one passed.

“Look up!” Kathryn said, turning so she was on her back. The largest grin on her face.

Seven rolled back onto her back and looked up at the sky, “Meteors.” She commented, watching the bright light streaking through the night sky like rain drops on a window.

The temperature dropped slightly and a light breeze started blowing. Until then Kathryn could stand the chill and felt relatively comfortable in just the plaid shirt, but now she couldn’t help but shiver with the breeze.

Seven felt Kathryn shake slightly, “Here,” Seven said, sitting up and pulling off her sweatshirt, “Put this on.” She handed the sweatshirt to Kathryn and laid back down.

“No, then you’ll be cold, I’m fine.” Kathryn said.

“My temperature is irrelevant, put the sweatshirt on, Kathryn.”

“I won’t convince you otherwise, will I?”

“No.”

“Fine.” She sighed, sitting up and pulling the sweatshirt on. She laid back down and stared up at the shooting stars again.

In the middle of the show Kathryn looked over at Seven to find her staring right back at her.

“Why aren’t you watching the shooting stars?”

“I’d rather look at you.”

Kathryn looked down, face flushed and her grin wide. Seven lifted her face by her chin to see her better and leaned in, kissing her once more. Their eyes fluttered shut and their lips danced against each others. Kathryn’s right hand found itself resting on Seven’s hip, pulling their bodies closer as they felt electricity.

Seven felt a slight pain in her forehead but ignored it, pushing it to the side, as her hand rested on Kathryn’s neck, keeping her pulled close.

Too soon they pulled apart but kept their eyes shut and their foreheads rested against each others.

“I love you, Seven.”

“I love you too, Kathryn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I do have an idea of where this is going, but if you have suggestions or ideas I'd love to incorporate them. Also, leaving comments helps keep me motivated to continue this story, if you know what I mean. So any little bit helps.


	3. “Tom Paris made a joke, on the bridge, about me being with someone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel the need to apologize for what's about to happen, but trust me just hold on and wait it out. Also sorry.

“We need to talk,” Kathryn said as Seven walked into her quarters late in the evening. She felt this conversation needed no preamble, rather it just needed to be had and done. She was sitting at the table and soon Seven was too. 

“What is wrong?” 

“Tom Paris made a joke, on the bridge, about me being with someone.”     

“What did he say?” 

“We were talking about that creature when Tuvok goes “It’s under the impression that Voyager and itself are out on a date.” To which I said “One weird date.” and then Tom goes, “You’d know,” under his breath but just loud enough for the bridge to hear.”

“Maybe he is talking about your experience with Kashyk,” Seven offered.

“I doubt it, but, nonetheless we need to be careful. You are aware that this is a…” 

“Irrelevant, I am a member of this crew, but not a member of Starfleet.” 

“When you are a member of this crew you follow the same expectations and rules as a Starfleet member. There is no difference there.” Her voice burned with fierceness. It was a topic that always worried her. If there is an us and them then there wouldn’t be a team. 

“Yes, Captain.” Seven responded it had become almost instinct to her to reply with a ‘Captain’ at the end when she heard that tone.

Kathryn knew Seven well enough to realize that she wasn’t being sarcastic, however, if it had been anyone else…

“We’re in the Delta Quadrant, I will follow as many of the Starfleet rules to the T that I can but we are in the Delta Quadrant and it was always more a taboo than a rule so…” Kathryn reasoned as if explaining it would help her through it, “But we’ve already talked about this. What we need to go over is what about the crew?”

“Our relationship doesn’t concern them.”

“Exactly, we need to keep it that way,” Kathryn said, “Did anyone see you on your way over here?” 

“One person, however, they paid no attention to me.” 

“What would you do if someone asked you where you were going?” 

Seven opened her mouth, trying to think of something, but she couldn’t think of anything, “I do not know.” 

“We need to be more careful,” Kathryn gave a pointed look, but left the subject alone, “But that’s beside the point, would you care to dance?” Kathryn smiled, standing up, she grabbed Seven’s hands and pulled her up anyway, not waiting for an answer.

“There is no music,” Seven commented, as she was pulled to stand.

“I can fix that,” Kathryn smiled, wrapping her hands around Seven’s neck, “Computer, play slow music from… do you have a century preference?” 

“No.” Seven wrapped her arms around Kathryn’s waist, pulling her closer. 

“Then let’s continue the theme from our date. Computer, slow music from the early 21st century.” 

The song that played was Coldplay’s gravity. Kathryn leaned her head on Seven’s shoulder while her arms wrapped around Seven. They swayed and span to the beautiful song. 

The next song to play was Kodaline’s All I Want. After that was Stay by Rihanna. 

The world faded away as the swayed to the song. They didn’t think about anything but each other. There was no other world out there. There wasn’t a worry about the crew finding out. There wasn’t a Tom Paris to make sly jokes. There weren’t other people in the world. There was nothing but each other. 

Kathryn looked up and looked into Seven’s eyes. Kathryn felt butterflies in her stomach as Seven leaned in, brushing their lips together.

Seven winced as she started hearing a loud sound searing through her head.

“Seven?” Kathryn asked, pulling back from her.

She didn’t respond, but she rose a hand to her head.

“Seven?!” Louder this time to make sure she heard her. When she didn’t reply Kathryn slapped her combadge, “Captain to the Doctor, there’s been a medical emergency.” 

“Captain? Where are you? What’s wrong?” The Doctor asked through the combadge.

“I’m in my quarters, with Seven, I don’t know, just get done here.” She didn’t even care about the Doctor questioning why Seven was here so late. 

Kathryn took Seven by the hand and led her to the couch, where Seven collapsed falling unconscious. Kathryn knelt down by Seven and held her hand, as the Doctor beamed into her quarters. 

“What happened?” He asked, pulling out his tricorder. He walked over to the couch, kneeling down next to her. He ran the tricorder of her forehead. 

“We, uh…” Kathryn sighed, here goes the secret, “We were dancing and…”

“And?” Doctor asked, his voice was pointed.

“Kissing.” She winced as she said the word, not wanting to see the look on the Doctor’s face. 

“Her cortical node is shutting down, she’s going into neural shock.” Kathryn was looking down at Seven but she looked back up to face the Doctor. 

 

The Doctor beamed the from their to sickbay and got to work. 

Kathryn sat from behind the glass watching the whole thing play out. She didn’t like this feeling, the feeling of being helpless. She didn’t like the fact that Seven was this close to dying and she couldn’t do a thing to help her. All she could do was watch from the glass as her stomach tied itself in knots. 

Hours later and the Doctor walked to his office, where Kathryn sat, “She’s going to make it. I was able to stabilize her.”

Kathryn didn’t realize that she had held her breath, but she let it out, “Thank you, Doctor.” 

He didn’t say anything while he sat down behind his desk and started working on the report. 

“Do you know what happened?” 

“Well,” He said looking up, “Her cortical node could not handle the emotions that she had while you two were…” 

“But this isn’t the first time that we’ve, well…” Kathryn sighed, “That we’ve kissed and she’s never reacted before.” 

“It was a cumulative thing, the more she experienced the emotions the worse it got.” The Doctor explained. 

“Will she make a full recovery?”

“Yes. But, unless I can figure out how to fix her cortical node to… handle these emotions correctly you guys will have to… terminate your romantic relationship.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trust me it gets better.  
> As always, leave comments they keep me motivated.


	4. “I was going to ask if you could hold me, one last time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry in advance for the pain you're about to feel.
> 
> Also if you really want to cry while reading this listen to All I Want by Kodaline, this song perfectly describes the mood of this chapter.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6BwAWiHcSg

Seven came-to with Kathryn holding her hands. Kathryn’s fingers lightly traced over the Borg implants on her hand as Seven’s blue eyes blinked open. She sat up immediately, trying to stand up but Kathryn placed a hand on her shoulder, keeping her sitting.  

“Kathryn?” Seven asked, her face showing the same confusion in her voice, “What happened.”

Kathryn smiled at her sadly before looking back to the Doctor, figuring he would be able to explain it better than she could. She nodded at him and he took the hint. 

He stepped forward, taking a deep breath even though he didn’t need it, “Your cortical node shut down. Luckily, I was able to turn it back on before there was permanent damage.” 

“What was the cause?” Seven wasn’t confused or worried anymore, she sounded curious. She wasn’t aware that this new development would change the state of her relationship with Kathryn. Her honest ignorance was ironic and caused pain to stir somewhere deep in Kathryn’s chest. 

“Your cortical node cannot withstand the stress that an… intimate relationship puts on it.” The Doctor’s lips formed a grim line as Seven’s glance jumped to Kathryn, her hand instinctively reaching up to Kathryn’s arm as if that would stop anything from pulling them apart. 

“I’ll take it from here,” Kathryn said, sending a sharp glance back to the Doctor, “If you’ll give us a moment.” He nodded kindly before walking out of the room and taking a seat in his office, getting to work on finishing the report. 

“Seven, we need to talk,” Kathryn said, tears brimming in her eyes, “It looks like I literally love you to death,” The corner of Seven’s lips quirked upwards quickly, but they fell back to a line, “And I can’t be the cause of that. I love you so much, Seven, but if it will risk your life… it’s not worth the risk.”

“Kathryn-”

“This isn’t up for debate,” Kathryn shook her head, “This isn’t something we get to argue about until you win.” 

“I wasn’t going to argue, Kathryn.” 

“Then what-”

“I was going to ask if you could hold me, one last time,” Seven said. Kathryn looked down then back at her, “It does not have to be for long,” Seven added when she noticed the apprehension in her face.

Kathryn closed her eyes, sighing and smiling. Kathryn sat down next to her on the bed and wrapped one of her arms around Seven’s waist. She started laying down, laying out her arm so Seven could rest her head on it. She pulled Seven close once they were both comfortable. Seven’s arm rested on Kathryn’s hip, unconsciously drawing patterns there. 

Memories of their times together raced through their heads.

 

_ “Seven, I-” Kathryn said, but she ditched the attempt to explain anything. Instead, she let her hand move to the back of Seven’s neck. She pulled her in for a kiss. Seven’s eyes widened in shock, but she fell into the kiss, closing her eyes. Seven’s hand found its place on Kathryn’s forearm, she wasn’t sure exactly where it went. _

 

_ “Seven.” Kathryn breathed out, as the door shut behind Seven. Seven didn’t say anything, instead, she walked up to Kathryn, placing a hand on the back of her neck pulling Kathryn into a kiss. It wasn’t quick or soft like this morning’s one. No, it was passionate. Both eyes were closed and Kathryn leaned into Seven. Their lips moved passionately together and they could feel the electricity. When Kathryn needed air they pulled back from each other. But words weren’t exchanged, no Kathryn’s hands found their way up to the sides of Seven’s face pulling her in for another even more passionate kiss. Kathryn could feel the metal of Seven’s hand on her neck. She stepped forward, pressing their bodies together, all she wanted to do was to be closer to her. _

 

_ Kathryn had been fighting her urge to stay professional and her will was wearing thin, but this broke it. She moved forward, placing her lips on Seven’s with urgency. She had a hand on the collar of Seven’s biosuit, pulling her close as if she would never see her again. Seven responded by placing a cold hand on the back of Kathryn’s neck and kept kissing her as if she let go she wouldn’t see her ever again. _

 

_ Seven blinked, not expecting this at all. “I… I don’t know. All I know is that I…” She couldn’t think of the right word to describe it. To describe the immense joy she felt just being around Kathryn. The way her smile fixed her mood if she was down. The way her heart ached when they weren’t around. The way her heart thumped so hard when they were close. The way her chest tightened and burned when she saw her. She relived all the moments that they have shared and she realized the word, “All I know is that I… love you.” _

 

 _“No matter the reason you’re wearing it, you still look beautiful.”_ _  
_ _“You look very… handsome, as well.” Seven said. Kathryn chuckled and blushed at Seven’s choice of compliment._

 

 _The temperature dropped slightly and a light breeze started blowing. Until then Kathryn could stand the chill and felt relatively comfortable in just the plaid shirt, but now she couldn’t help but shiver with the breeze._ __  
_Seven felt Kathryn shake slightly, “Here,” Seven said, sitting up and pulling off her sweatshirt, “Put this on.” She handed the sweatshirt to Kathryn and laid back down._ __  
_“No, then you’ll be cold, I’m fine,” Kathryn said._ __  
_“My temperature is irrelevant, put the sweatshirt on, Kathryn.”_ __  
_“I won’t convince you otherwise, will I?”_ __  
_“No.”_ _  
_ __“Fine.” She sighed, sitting up and pulling the sweatshirt on.

 

_ The world faded away as the swayed to the song. They didn’t think about anything but each other. There was no other world out there. There wasn’t a worry about the crew finding out. There wasn’t a Tom Paris to make sly jokes. There weren’t other people in the world. There was nothing but each other. _

_ Kathryn looked up and looked into Seven’s eyes. Kathryn felt butterflies in her stomach as Seven leaned in, brushing their lips together. _

 

They stared into each other’s eyes, not wanting this moment to end. But it didn’t last long. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm adding an apology in postscript because you all deserve it, I am sorry.  
> It will get better.  
> Once again sorry.


	5. “Oh, um, Kathr- Captain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared, I called the senior staff of the crew the family because they're a family and no one is telling me otherwise

Kathryn gazed out of the window in her quarters. She couldn’t sleep. She actually hadn’t gotten any good sleep since Seven hadn’t been visiting at night. She wouldn't be able to fall asleep, not without seeing Seven, not without wishing her goodnight, kissing her goodnight.

And that wasn't even the worse part of this all. She can't help but see Seven every single day, every time the senior officers are called, every time the family got together for dinner, she sees a walking, living, breathing reminder of their last night in sickbay and how they can't be together.

And the same thing for Seven. Seven can't help but see the captain of the ship, it was kind of inevitable, but every time she did she felt an ache in her chest, she lost her breath, and she felt pain. At this point anytime they were in the same room at the same time one of the two ended up making an excuse to leave. They went out of their way to avoid each other. 

Kathryn hated it. This entire situation. The way she couldn't be with Seven, the way that she couldn't live without her and now she was going to have to. 

She chuckled at her situation, “How selfish of me.” Thinking about how she would be affected by their break up, when being together could kill Seven. And yet she couldn’t help but be selfish, couldn't help but miss her.

She kept reliving all of their moments together, like a sad movie on repeat. Watching from beginning to… to end. It was a painful cycle. A horrible cycle that killed.

All of the emotions foamed over the top seeping out of her in tears and all she could do was run a hand through her hand and try not to break down.

“If I had just kept my mouth shut.” She rested her forehead on the glass and let out a sigh.

But none of it mattered. Because what did she do? She did exactly what she shouldn’t have done. But in all reality what would she rather have happened? Swallow her feelings and fight the emotions until they reach the alpha quadrant, which could be 30+ years? Or this? Knowing she loves you back and not being able to be together for it may kill her.

“Look at me being selfish again.” It was an impossible loop.

 

Seven couldn’t regenerate. Well… she could, but she chose not to. To step up into the regeneration chamber would be to admit that she needed to regenerate and it only reminded her further that she was Borg. Or at least was Borg. That she wasn’t human enough to be with someone. That she wasn’t human enough to live through the emotions of love.

Besides, she disliked breaking routines. Even ones detrimental to her health. It has been officially three days since she was no longer able to be with Kathryn. For about three months they had been meeting at three in the morning in the captain's quarters. They would spend an hour or so in romantic bliss, hugging, kissing and cuddling.

And now here she was, pacing the cargo bay and fighting the instinctive urge to find her way to Kathryn’s quarters.

Part of Seven hated herself. Hated that she was the reason that they couldn’t be together. She unconsciously kept picking at her Borg implants. The parts of her that caused this. But when she caught herself doing it she stopped, deciding that those Borg implants are irrelevant to her emotional state and the cortical node.

Seven shook her head and made way to the door. But stopped before she could activate the motion sensors, realizing her mistake. She, out of habit, was going to walk to Kathryn’s quarters before she realized what she was doing.

 

“Fine… Fine!” She sighed as she pulled a more comfortable shirt. Deciding that it was better if she just goes out and did something with her time rather than be kept cooped up in her quarters where lots of memories were based.

She paced the halls of Voyager, having one specific place on her mind. This wasn’t the same lazy stroll she took months ago to the mess hall, it was a quick fast paced walk in one direction.

As Kathryn approached the holodeck she nearly spun on her heel and ran out of there before she caused anything but it was too late.

“Oh, um, Kathr- Captain,” Seven greeted awkwardly with a nod.

“Great.” Kathryn sighed internally, “Seven.”

“I was just going to run a Velocity practice program.”

“I was going to, as well.” Kathryn’s voice trailed off, unsure of what to say or do next. She ran a hand through hair, stopping on her neck and letting it rest there.

“Maybe we could play a game together?” Seven suggested, making a slight gesture to the holodeck.

Kathryn heard what she said, but only one word of it echoed through her mind ‘together’. Kathryn locked eyes with Seven and got lost in her beautiful blue eyes. Kathryn missed Seven’s eyes, missed the long hours she would spend just getting lost in there and right now felt like the perfect time to make up for it.

“Captain?”

“Oh, um,” Kathryn stumbled, her face burning red, “Yes, we could play a game.”

Seven nodded and turned to the panel and called up the programming for Velocity. The computer chimed when the program was ready and the doors opened.

“After you,” Seven said, gesturing to the inside of the holodeck.

“Thank you,” Kathryn nodded before continuing in.

 

They started the Velocity game, but it didn’t have the same intensity as it usually did. That intensity was stunted and muted by the awkwardness and pain. But they kept playing anyway.

Kathryn took aim and shot the disk over in Seven’s general location. After doing so she wiped a strand of hair from her face and Seven’s eyes followed her hand instead of the disk.

And by the time that Seven looked back over it was already too late and the disk hit her on the chin.

Kathryn rushed forward, instinctively placing a hand on Seven’s chin, “Are you okay?” She asked, examining the where the disk hit.

“I’m fine.” Seven replied, looking into Kathryn’s gray eyes as they studied her chin. Kathryn looked up and her eyes met with Seven’s. Kathryn closed her eyes, her hand moving to the back of Seven’s neck, nearly resting there. But her eyes flew open in realization of what she almost did.

“I… I- I’m sorry.” She spun on her heel walked to the door of the holodeck. The word ‘selfish’ being screamed inside her head.

“Kathryn, wait.” Seven said, reaching out a hand as if it that would help change Kathryn’s mind, “It would be rude if you didn’t finish the game.” She sighed.

Kathryn clenched her jaw, almost grinding her teeth as if it would help her come to a decision.

“Only this game.” She decided against her better judgment, turning back to the game and getting ready to play.

They finished off the game. Kathryn taking another win, and by the end, it felt almost as if they were just playing another game like they did years before anything got complicated.

“Good game, Seven,” Kathryn said, holding out her hand to shake Seven’s. Seven felt butterflies in her stomach, before accepting the handshake.

“Good game.”

They made their way to the exit, with smiles plastered onto their faces.

“We haven’t done that in a while,” Kathryn sighs with a smile.

“We have not.”

“We need to do it more.”

“It would be a… healthy way of spending time together.” Seven replied. Kathryn nodded for a response.

“I am going to the mess hall for something to eat, would you care to join me?”

Kathryn smiled a knowing look and shook her head slightly, “I think we both know how that ends.”

“Then I will see you later, goodnight, Kathryn, I love you-” Seven stopped in her tracks, freezing up like water in the cold.

Kathryn’s face scrunched up in a cute way, with a questioning smile, she was completely at a loss as to why Seven was freezing up, it wasn’t like this was their first time saying ‘I love you’ to each other. But she stopped smiling when the realization hit her like a truck. They weren’t dating anymore. They didn’t get to casually throw around ‘I love you’s like they used.

From that moment on the goodbye was rushed. Not wanting to spend any more time with one another after such an awkward exchange.

 

**Half a Month Later:**

_“The Doctor to Seven of Nine.”_ The Doctor said through her combadge.

“Seven here.”

_“I think I have something that will interest you if you could stop by sickbay soon…?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the next chapter is when it get's happy again. Sorry for the beginning. It was a little dramatic and sad, but hey who cares that's the point.


	6. “I’ve missed this, I’ve missed us, I’ve missed you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about how short this is but I promise the next one will be longer

Kathryn wasn't sleeping like she should've been. She just couldn’t force herself to sleep without seeing Seven. Instead, she stared at the stars that passed by, hoping that they could distract her from the emptiness that she felt. But the stars were always an awful substitute for Seven’s company.

Kathryn had decided to count the stars when her door chimed. She jumped, knocking her against the glass of the window. She rubbed her head with her hand before walking closer to the door.

She eyed the door down with a mix of curiosity and suspicion as she adjusted her shirt, “Come in.”

The door slid open and Kathryn opened her mouth to say something as Seven walked through the door, but she lost her train of thought as Seven wrapped her arms around Kathryn. One hand on the back of her neck, the other wrapped around her waist.

Seven pulled Kathryn into a passionate kiss, as the sparks fizzled and popped all around them. Kathryn melted into the kiss, her eyes closing almost as soon as Seven wrapped her arms around her. She lost all sense of everything, only one word bounced around her head: ‘Seven’.

Kathryn pulled away when she needed a breath, but she jumped back, her mind taking into full account what just happened, “Seven, you…”

“I am fine, Kathryn.”

“No…” Kathryn and Seven were still pressed up close together, the hand that had rested on Kathryn’s neck was no holding Kathryn’s hand. Kathryn, for the first time in a couple of months, felt complete. She felt whole again like she could stay here with Seven for the rest of her life. But the part of her mind that could think new better than this. Something inside of her broke as she pushed Seven off, “You know we can’t be together.”

“The doctor found a way to circumvent the fail-safe of my cortical node.” The biggest grin crept onto Kathryn’s face and she practically lunged forward, wrapping her arms around Seven, pulling her into a kiss.

“I love you,” Kathryn said, tears falling when they pulled away from the kiss.

“Kathryn, why are you crying?”

“I’ve missed this, I’ve missed us, I’ve missed _you_ .” 

“I have missed you, as well.”

“Follow me,” Kathryn said, pulling her by the hand to her bed.

They collapsed down onto the bed together and cuddled until both of them fell asleep.

 

Kathryn woke up, still wrapped in Seven’s arms. She smiled a content smile. There was nothing that would ever compete with the love that she felt for Seven. There was nothing in the entire world that could compel her to move away from Seven at this moment.

Seven had her arms around Kathryn’s waist and she had rested her head in the crook of Kathryn’s neck.

“Do we have to show up for our shift today?” Seven asked, startling Kathryn to the point where she jumped and fell off the bed.

Seven jumped up and ran over to her, “Are you okay, Kathryn?” She helped her up and Kathryn smiled.

“I am sorry.”

“You’re fine, Seven, I just didn’t think you were awake.” Kathryn chuckled lightly.

 

It was like the sun had finally started shining after the longest rainstorm in history. Seven and Kathryn’s moods were inexplicably better. They were happier and were actually able to get work done for longer than 5-second bursts. 

That wasn’t the only difference. It didn’t feel awkward or stilted when Seven and Kathryn were next to each other anymore. They were also… a tad bit more physical with each other, taking any chance to brush their arms together, to reach out and place a hand on each other.  

“It’s like they think we’re ignorant,” Tom said simply over a sandwich. He and Harry were eating lunch together.

“I wonder if they realize how obvious they’re being,” Harry agreed, taking a bite of Neelix’s newest creation.

“You guys seeing it too?” Neelix asked, stopping as he passed by,

“Do you listen to everyone’s conversation? Or is just ours?” Tom asked as Neelix took a seat.

Neelix, however, ignored Tom’s comment, “I’m happy I’m not the only one seeing it.”

“Yeah, do you think we should let them know we know? That way they can feel a little room to breathe in the relationship?” Harry asked.

“I don’t think it’s our place to do that, Harry,” Tom replied. 

“Well, whatever happens, I’m happy they’re finally happy.” 

 

“Kathryn,” Seven said, getting her attention. They were cuddling under a shared blanket in Kathryn's quarters on her bed.

“Yes, love?” 

“I’m never leaving you again.” 

Kathryn smiled, “You don't need to worry about it because I won't let you leave." 

**Author's Note:**

> Also, the conversation between Neelix, Tom, and Harry isn't just filler. It's preparing the second part of the story.
> 
> Hope you liked it!


End file.
